Congeries of cross connected concepts
I have been meaning to write about some various articles I read over the summer about how humans would do in a multi-species Olympics. Naturally, the articles have humans getting crushed. However, this is done by having the Gaian Olypmics be humans vs. every other species on the entire planet. Shouldn’t it instead be one team per species? I think in that case humans would do quite well, if for no other reason than the events were picked to be things humans do reasonably well. I don’t think humans would win many events, but I think they’d place in enough to dominate the overall competition.
P.S. And let’s not forget the true crowning glory of human superiority — big hair.
| Harry Eagar Sunday, 12 October 2008 at 19:05 |  |
A man can outrun a horse — if the course is long enough.
| Annoying Old Guy Sunday, 12 October 2008 at 20:11 | |
Or short enough, or has enough turns. I can’t remember the length, but it’s something like 50m, where if you race a man, a horse, and a car out and back, the man will win.
| David Cohen Sunday, 12 October 2008 at 21:23 | |
Which species would beat us in basketball? Or in the 100 meter medley? Or beach volleyball?
| Annoying Old Guy Monday, 13 October 2008 at 08:43 | |
We’d win a few. That’s interesting point about swimming styles, which require a basically humaniform body shape.
| Hey Skipper Monday, 13 October 2008 at 17:37 | |
Track & Field:
Humans win the pole vault, shot put, discus and javelin for sure.
Maybe hurdles, too.
None of the running events except relays — handing off the baton is real chancy without opposable thumbs.
Humans probably get the marathon.
Other species get the long jump and high bar.
And those are the most other-species friendly events.
I think, though, that the winner was determined by which species won the most medals, humans would win in a walk.
| Harry Eagar Monday, 13 October 2008 at 19:35 | |
Synchronized swimming would be an interesting competition.
| Peter Tuesday, 14 October 2008 at 07:09 | |
Not to mention skeet-shooting, the biathlon, cross-country skiing, the slalom, ski-jumping, diving, sailing, table tennis, cross country skiing, hockey, snowboarding, boxing (I think), the pentathlon, cycling, skating, soccer, freestyle skiing and marching in an orderly fashion into the opening ceremony.
But the media coverage would be interesting. I’d love to watch Mr. Kangaroo celebrate a new personal best and say hi to all the folks back home.
| Harry Eagar Tuesday, 14 October 2008 at 13:02 | |
We sometimes pay too much attention to our brains and thumbs. Humans are remarkable animals.
Our range exceeds almost all others, with the possible exception of rats. We can survive the hottest places on the surface of the earth, and, even without clothing, as cold as Tierra del Fuego; and from below sea level to around 22,000 feet elevation; and, with some conditioning, on fairly salty water. Also, we can eat a diet almost entirely lacking in plant food (the Thule Eskimos never eat anything except meat and fish, except for an occasional treat of the seaweed in the stomachs of walruses) and on a diet entirely lacking in animal food.
| Peter Burnet Thursday, 16 October 2008 at 09:19 | |
Harry, that is without a doubt the most depressing celebration of human uniqueness I have ever read.
| Annoying Old Guy Thursday, 16 October 2008 at 10:33 | |
I have to side with Mr. Eagar on this. I found it inspiring.
| h-man Thursday, 16 October 2008 at 14:42 | |
“In January 2003, Shawn Crawford starred in an episode of the FOX TV show Man vs. Beast in which he raced a zebra and a giraffe in the 100 m on dirt. In the first race he easily bested the giraffe (which was separated from him by a metal fence and may have been a bit disoriented). The zebra race was very close with the zebra slowly pulling ahead for victory. Accusing the zebra of a false start, he re-raced the zebra getting out of the blocks first and taking a lead. This caused the zebra to speed up, finishing in 9.90 s to Crawford’s 10.80 s time”
| erp Thursday, 16 October 2008 at 15:35 | |
Men are indeed different — from women that is. Competitive? Racing a giraffe and a zebra???? Aieeeeee. It must be such a chore dragging around all those hormones 24/7.
